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jimshady's Reviews
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Thursday, Apr 29, 2010
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Pappadeaux Seafood Kitchen ~ Bush Intercontinental Airport, Terminal E, Near E3 "Einstein had it all wrong. The Theory of Relativity is not 'energy equals matter times the speed of light squared'. No, relativity is defined as how many days you've been out of the country and in need of comfortable food and drink. Poor Jim had been confined in a little rathole in Mexico City and heading to some other South American dictatorship. As divine providence would have it, the only connecting flight that didn't involve propellers went through the Houston Airport named for the lesser of two evils bearing the name George Bush. With four hours to spend walking the E Concourse, Jim decided that an airport steak at Pappadeaux has to beat anything with the name Chili's in it. Even if it involved climbing two flights of stairs to get there. Luis the waiter was quick to return with the initial Bloody Mary. Being in Texas, the drink was sufficiently doctored with some sort of spicy sauce. With the liquid fortification, Jim was ready to focus on the edible portion of the visit. Keep in mind that Jim lived in Austin for years and his oldest born son has a Texian passport by virtue of being born there. Jim has eaten at Pappa's restuarants before and has a mostly good memory of those adventures. Obviously, no airport authority is going to allow a franchise to have an open pit, but a traveler can't be too picky. Invoking the Theory of Relativity, it's important to understand that Pappadeaux in the airport is nothing like visiting a Pappa's restaurant out in the real world. But, Jim's filet with crabmeat in a buere blanc turned out quite nice for airport food. Paired with a Penfolds Shiraz, it was almost enough to make Jim forget that he had 8 hours in coach class on the way to Acunsion, La Paz or Montevideo. In the real world, this airport concession might rate a 3. But as a port in the storm, it's between a 4 and a 5. The extra half point comes from having a hostess who pretends to laugh at an old salaryman's jokes." |
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Saturday, Jan 16, 2010
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Sky Bridge ~ Chicago O'Hare International Airport, Terminal 2, Near F7 "Let's face it. If you are in the F concourse, you have no reason to smile. There's a CRJ or Embraer in your immediate future. This 6 chair shithole wouldn't rank a "1" except for the fact that they have the requisite booze needed to get through the next 2 hours to Appleton, Madison, Sioux Falls, or Tulsa. Fight your way through the rest of your peers and hope the bartender notices your plea for help. Then, slide over and let the next poor battered bastard get his $8 Sam Adams." |
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Saturday, Jan 16, 2010
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Burke in a Box ~ Las Vegas McCarran International Airport, C Gates ""Jim", I said to my namesake as I made my way into Burke's, "I feel like Sammy the Bull himself has worked me over." "You look like you've taken a beating. Did the machines get the better of you?" He asked as he continued washing glasses. I felt through my pockets for a few crumpled ones to pay for my drink and said "Worse. I was at an industry event until 3 a.m, where Japanese salarymen breathed unfiltered cigarette smoke in my face, a terrorized goat left his mark on the buffet table, and someone vomited on my shoes. I spent the rest of the night tearing down booths and now I'm taking it all to Beijing where we'll set it all up again next week. I need a drink and a meal." Jim, being at least ten years my senior, knows things. For example, when someone sidles into your bar at 9 a.m. needing food and a drink, what he means is "make it a Bloody Mary and make it a double." He didn't wait for me to verbalize my request, he just started assembling. After a few minutes activity, he placed a pint glass of goodness in front of me with the requisite stalk of celery. He apologized for the quality of the mix they used. "It's the same sauce they use for pizzas in the restaurant next door, but I'm pretty sure it has tomatoes in it." "Normally, " says my new mixologist friend, "any tale involving a goat and someone puking on your shoes would be a worthy story, but this is Las Vegas and that only ranks about 1 on a scale to ten. You computer types need to take a lesson from the cowboys we get during the National Finals Rodeo--*they* know how to have a party with livestock." We spent the better part of an hour talking about golf courses we've played and how much alimony costs in Vegas, where one marriage in 7 lasts longer than the lease payment on a Lexus. Another Bloody Mary later, the reality sunk in that I was in yet another airport bar run by Delaware or HMS Host, paying $12 on my personal AMEX for a $4 drink and happy to do so. And Jim was just another good Samaritan doling out liquid life to us poor battered bastards as we go about the world, doing business and trying to keep some small portion of our souls intact." |
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Wednesday, Nov 18, 2009
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Buena Vista Cafe ~ San Francisco International Airport, Terminal 3, Boarding Area F near Gate 82 "The bartenders at the Buena Vista probably spent their early careers tossing your parents' luggage into the bin of a 727 or DC-9 and then tossed back a pint of Tullamore Dew waiting on the next PanAm Clipper to arrive. In the mean time, they've developed a healthy glow and a warm, easy manner. While they can't sling the sauce down the polished oak bar like Sam Malone in his prime, they bring the giggle juice with a smile. After all, you've just paid $13 for that double of Makers Mark before the customary tip. The floor waitresses, on the other hand, could be their wives, whom the gin slingers hate like they hate their annual prostate exam. And the feeling is mutual, which is why you always get a Bud Light with your $14 turkey sandwich when you ordered Irish Coffee. Take my advice and sit at the bar. " |
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Wednesday, Nov 4, 2009
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Gordon Biersch ~ San Jose International Airport, Terminal A (near gates 11/12) "So, you've made it thru security after yet another tech conference in San Jose and you really want a beer before leaving on the cattle car. You can have a Heineken at that other place or you can have a local brew. Never mind that the local brew with the funny name tastes like drinking corn syrup from a copper kettle. At least the food is palatable and the bartender reminds you of the guy you knew in college who is still hanging out at the college bar at age 37. You thought he was cool in 1995, but now he just seems kinda sad. Until next week when you're back in SJC for another tech conference." |
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Wednesday, Nov 4, 2009
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Colorado Sports Bar and Deli ~ Denver International Airport, Concourse B "OK, it's the same $7 beer, but I've actually had some pretty cool bartenders here who let me plug in my laptop and actually understood the nuances of the infield fly rule. Also, the chili is pretty darn good." |
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Wednesday, Nov 4, 2009
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Martini Monkey ~ San Jose International Airport, Terminal C (main lobby) "OK, seriously, who names a bar "Martini Monkey"? Do you understand who pays your bills? Answer: drunken bachelorettes going to Vegas and middle-aged guys on expense account. The hot chicks wearing veils don't mind that the name, but the A/P auditors in my company had issues with this line item. Oh, and thanks for the $8 Sam Adams and the $12 microwaved tuna on wheat. Also, it would be nice if your bartenders weren't spokespersons for AARP. Not that there's anything wrong with that." |
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Wednesday, Nov 4, 2009
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Redbud Lounge ~ Will Rogers World Airport, Level 2, near gate 8 & 10 "The lesser of the two bars in OKC, but that's like saying that Patty is the less attractive of Marge Simpsons two sisters. The lounge at the Redbud is less inviting, the seats are less comfortable and the bartenders are less friendly. But, if you're flying out of this end of the airport, just pony up $6 for that Corona with a lime and hang out with your fellow inmates until the cattle car arrives." |
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Wednesday, Nov 4, 2009
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Mahogany Lounge ~ Will Rogers World Airport, Level 2, near gate 18 & 20 "Of the two airport bars at OKC, this is the better one. The seating is much more comfortable and the bartenders are more friendly. Still, it has the same overpriced drinks, bad food and yellow beer, so it's not much of an improvement. At least you can walk across the aisle and get a Schlotzkys sandwich or some Salt Lick BBQ." |
